Becoming, a dreamer!

Somebody once told me that music is a young man’s game. I’ve heard people’s stories of how they struggled in pursuit of their dreams and to some extent their perseverance gave me some type of comfort that perhaps I too might get where I’m trying to go. When we were young we were frequently asked what we want to be when we grow up, sometimes the people asking us didn’t really care about our answers but they just want to steer us in the direction that they thought suits us. Maybe they were right in some case but not always.

[Kampala, Uganda Sept. 2018]

in the summer of 2006 after completing high school we had a small graduation party at my friend’s place and his father’s friend went around the table asking us what career we are going to pursuit, now that we are done with high school and onto “real life,” everyone answered and then it got to me. I said “I wanna be a Director and a Screenwriter.” He replied, “arts” he paused then continued “Of all your friends, you are going to have the greatest challenge, by the time you actually start making moves in your career most of your friends would of already been settled, but don’t think about that, your path is going to require lots of creativity and creativity takes time.”

I had no idea what that really meant. So that summer, I jumped into an expensive private school with no guidance. I threw myself into a deep hole not knowing how I would climb out of it, I followed that dream until the doors of Brooks Institute of Photography and film were shut in my face. I collapsed, asking myself “was this actually my path or was I just listening to other people.” I was somewhat naive still and believed that some how I’ll make a fabulous project that would take away all the problems I face.

[Los Angeles, Ca. March 2018]

As a child in a vintage Africa I recall, going to the movies was a thing we did for holidays especially Christmas. People would dress up in their best outfits, early morning they would go to church, return home for lunch, then go walking and eventually end up at the movies at some point. “The movies” was a hall with a television and a VHS player and we would pay to watch action films. My brothers took us to the movies I think it was around Christmas 1990/1991. I watched my first film “The Big Boss” starring Bruce Lee. Immediately I was transfixed and I knew I wanted to be an actor from that moment forward. I had no idea what the film was about let alone the what it was called but I vividly remembered certain scenes especially the last fight scene and when Bruce surrenders that was ingrained in my brain forever.

My primary school (Elementary/middle school) days were filled with going to the movies every weekend and telling stories of those movies to my friends during class. I would become very popular for reciting the films to my friends, they would gather to hear the stories, we would bond over films. During the weeks I would collects cans and sell them to a lamp maker to make money for the movies, I had to watch at least two to three films. Sometimes I would get lucky my uncle would let me stay in his theater and watch movies all day. I was avid in all the action films that were shown, sometimes I watched them more than three or four times. I wanted to be an actor, no matter what!

[Bidibidi Refugee Camp. Yumbe, Uganda. Jul. 2018]

In America as a young refugee in middle school, when asked at school what I wanted to be when I grew up, all the kids laughed. The teacher would say “you can’t be an actor unless you already know someone, do you know someone in the film industry?” I felt my world shrink, the answer was always “No.” I thought reaching America for sure my dreams of becoming an action star would be realized but it got further and further. So I decided I would direct and write my own movies so at least I can be in them too, after all Jackie Chan was doing it, and many greats have done it, maybe I can be the African version. So I pursued the filmmaker’s dream.

[San Diego, Ca. Mar. 2015]

After dropping out of the prestigious film school (which no longer exists). I was young, dumb, broke, in debt and had no “useful experiences”, according to society. I moved back to a small town where opportunities were so scarce I felt myself drowning, the only thing that kept me going was martial arts, and then I rediscovered music. I had always loved listening to music but the art of creating music came a little later, it was sparked by some friends in high school, who helped create space for music in my heart. I had no idea that music would comeback to uplift me. Music reminded me that I’ve always wanted to be a performer. I got on stage and performed, and when some people told me that it wasn’t good, I didn’t care, I took the criticism and kept growing. Eventually music started opening up the world to me again. I felt like I was doing something along the path I was supposed to be on.

In December 2010 I lost two friends who were instrumental in my musical journey at the time. Once again things pushed me astray, I became so disoriented that I forgot about the art. I still have difficulty trying to speak about my friends or myself. I kept trying musically but the material I was creating didn’t feel like what I wanted to say, part of me was still immature to the content I wanted to speak on in general. It’s been a decade plus since high school and I’m still scrambling to piece my life together, the words of that man still linger in my mind. I haven’t given up on art, although I’m not exactly a young man anymore I’m still pursuing this journey both in music and film, only time will tell whether my dreams bear fruits or not, regardless I’m happy I chose to follow my heart, the people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve had and the stories I’ve heard, have all made me realize more than ever that I’m on the right path.

[Los Angeles Ca, Nov. 2018]

Thanks for reading!

Follow my journey at Kujieleza.com and Instagram @Adhimamusic let’s learn from each other and grow. #Mbele.